1- Want A Break From Being An Adult?
2- Communication Problems From Childhood, Affecting Your Relationships As An Adult
3- Why Are Some People Difficult?
Want A Break From Being An Adult?
When addressing your childhood memories, keep in mind that the purpose of doing so is to help you feel like a strong adult. As an adult, you can yearn to be looked after, wanting a break from the endless responsibilities of what it means to be an adult, the feeling that taking care of yourself is a hard and unpleasant chore. Feeling that being an adult is hard, comes from your inner child feeling unsafe, not understood and unsupported. The healed child within you automatically creates a strong and responsible adult who doesn’t need a break from being one.
Communication Problems From Childhood, Affecting Your Relationships As An Adult
In general, feelings, thoughts and behavior patterns are imprinted on the child by the parents, including the manner in which they communicate. If the child didn’t feel welcomed by the parents when they wanted something, this pattern will get imprinted and replay itself in their adult relationships, where they also don’t feel welcomed to want something from their partner. Unless the adult acknowledges and heals the communication problems they experienced as a child, they will continue to copy and paste their communication problems into their relationships.
Why Are Some People Difficult?
Childhood is where most things begin. How we think, feel and behave now as adults, have many of their origins in childhood. People who are difficult to deal with, have had difficult childhoods, although this is not excuse for their behaviour, as other people have had difficult childhoods are not difficult to deal with.
Most of us as children, did not get enough attention. Our parents were too concerned with themselves, they weren’t there, they weren’t there enough, or when they were there, they caused us unhappiness. We might have been told to feel grateful for what our family gave us and we might cling to positive memories because we want to believe our parents were good even though we felt our childhood was hard.
Most people don’t do any childhood healing work because it’s too confronting. Painful times are usually not talked about or not allowed to be talked about. Most children, now grown adults, seek attention. The less attention children receive, the more difficult an adult they generally become. This is not a blanket rule, we’re all different. Children who were neglected more, tend to be more demanding, more selfish and create more problems for others. They don’t do this because they want to be a problem and not because they are ‘bad’ people. It’s because they are in pain.
In your personal or professional life, there is likely to be at least one adult who will create problems for you or others around them. They are doing this because they need attention. Badly. It doesn’t matter how mature age an adult they might be, no matter how educated, no matter how much money they earn, no matter how experienced or spiritual they may be. Any and whatever attention they can get, wherever they can get it from, whatever the detrimental cost to others is what difficult people do. This is because, inside, they feel jealous and threatened.
If you’ve experienced a difficult person, they may do any or all of these things. Some of these behaviours below have been used to describe narcissistic people. Are difficult people narcissistic? Perhaps they are, to a lesser or greater degree. Difficult people tend to disguise themselves in roles or behind behaviours that seem entirely friendly and acceptable. You wouldn’t understand how truly difficult they are, until you get to know them in different situations over a longer time frame.
They are late;
They are loud;
Behave inappropriately with regards to the place or occasion;
Are a bully;
Are disrespectful is subtle ways;
Partially/ fully disregards your achievements/ significant others/ significant occasions/ your kindness;
Talks about themselves without asking you (enough) about yourself;
Is concerned about their own needs while obviously failing to consider others;
Talks as though they’re the expert when they have little idea about the subject matter;
Turns up empty handed to important events;
Ignores important events;
Decides to be absent or sick right before an important occasion;
Demands that you’re instantly available for them, even though they are not for you; Decides to stop talking without giving a reason;
They are in a bad mood generally;
They want extra special or unrealistic consideration.
These people did not get enough attention as children and they are making others around them pay for that.
The person causing you pain, is in pain themselves. Having compassion for difficult, negative people however, doesn’t mean that you allow them to walk all over you. Having compassion for negative people doesn’t require you to be in their presence to prove to them or to yourself how strong you are. You should be affected by their difficult nature, you shouldn’t “get over it”, you’re not made of steel. You have a heart and you don’t need to put up with it.
You might have tried to keep the family together, the association, friendship or relationship together despite the difficulties somebody causes for you. You might need to leave their company, cut things short or not be available. Choose carefully who you spend time with in a personal or professional capacity, so that you don’t spend your life and your energy being angered and upset by unaware people.
It’s hard, but try to remember what you deserve:
-You deserve to be treated well.
-You deserve all the good things you give to others and more.
-You’re a good person.
-You are special.
-You are important.
-You deserve to be celebrated.
-You deserve a happy mood from others.
-You deserve to be planned for and respected.
-You need to be around people who are these things for you and ultimately, nothing less.
Feel good about respecting yourself. Try to recognise yourself as valuable and essential to life.