From Benita’s “Being Happier” Podcast
How to Heal Emotional Childhood Trauma
Series: Healing Emotional Childhood Memories – Part 5
Subject: Healing Childhood Trauma
Consultations: Melbourne – Call Benita on 0419 147 036
“Create A New Life As An Adult By Healing Trauma From Teenage Years!”
In sessions with clients, I’ve always got a ‘yes’ from this question: did you experience any traumatic incidences in your teenage years at high school?
High school is such a difficult stage of life because it’s when you form an identity of your own.
I’m sure you can instantly recall difficult times at high school when you were teased, when you were bullied, the friends you didn’t have, feeling alone, feeling different, feeling left out and perhaps abandoned by your parents, having nowhere to turn.
You were a teenager looking for answers and perhaps you got some, but you definitely didn’t get all of them. You most likely got a few answers from your friends, but the rest, you looked to your parents for, unconsciously if not consciously, but alas, they didn’t have enough or any answers for you.
A lot of people have a horrible time at high school and they probably don’t want to revisit those experiences in their mind or in discussion with others. This creates a cover over the wound, which is still to this day, left unhealed.
People often say, it took a long time to heal from that experience, but what they actually mean is it took along time to bury those experiences. The childhood trauma is still deep under the surface and with emotional blocks in place, the only way for it to be noticed is through a physical alert or illness.
When clients come to see me, I often ask them what they experienced at high school and they always have a story to tell, but it’s aimed at their fellow students more often than their parents.
Plenty of them will say that A and B person pushed them out of the group, or that X, Y and Z people would always give them a hard time whenever they were in a particular class or in a certain location. I have to dig to around to hear my clients say that they were angry at their parents.
If you experienced problems at high school, you can put a lot of it down to the horrible students that were there, fair enough, but who put you in the high school?
Did your parents pay attention to your distress. Did they keep you at that high school against your wishes? Did they even know you were unhappy there? Did you want to leave the high school you were at, but felt you couldn’t ask? Did you actually tell your parents that you were unhappy?
It’s your parents responsibility to keep in touch with you and help you through trauma. At this point, most of my clients start defending their parents, saying they had good reasons why they couldn’t help and yes… Parenting a teenager is difficult!
Your parents did the best job they can… according to them… but did they, according to you! You’re not angry about your teenage years at high school because your parents did the best they could with you. You’re angry because you felt your parents could have done better! That you could have had better guidance to handle the trauma you were going through at school.
You need to stay with YOUR feelings here. When you have pain and anger from your past as an adolescent, you need to feel allowed to be angry or sad, rather than having your feelings brushed off or devalued.
If you hear others say, or perhaps you’ve heard yourself say “I’m over that, it was in the past, I’ve moved on, I don’t believe it’s good to revisit it because you’re dwelling on things you can’t change”. Unfortunately, that view is not correct.
In order to heal from anything negative or traumatic, you need to go back to when it happened, acknowledge it, feel the feelings, get support to potentially work through the pain and ultimately let it go.
The difference between healing and not healing your past, gets compounded as you get older. The more you heal emotionally, the less likely your body needs to get sick to alert you about your ever growing backlog of emotional issues.
A SIMPLE HEALING EXERCISE.
To follow, is a great exercise to help heal your high school past, but before I get into it, I want to stress again why you should do this. Addressing upsetting times from high school will unlock feelings of support in your life, now!
The other great reason to heal your past is that by doing so, you also heal your present and your future.
There is a considerable amount of blocked energy from your teenage years, that isn’t flowing for you now. You can’t access it, because it was never healed. By healing your past you will reclaim yourself, become more confident and strengthen within as an adult.
Let’s go through this step by step:
- Set aside between 3 and 10 minutes in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed;
- Locate the Forehead Healing Points- they are on your forehead, between your eyebrows and your hairline, in line with your eyes, above each eye;
- Have two finger pads from each hand, your index and middle finger, on the Forehead Healing Points;
- Take some time to recall traumatic memories from your adolescence;
- Bring up the sad, angry or alone feelings from that time and really feel them as though there were happening now;
- Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth;
- Begin with 3 minutes, but do it for longer if you can, don’t push yourself, whatever you feel you’re ready for;
- Keep breathing and keep feeling the feelings for the duration of this healing exercise.
A big part of you will resist doing this healing exercise and that’s to be expected. You need to push through this and give it a go. Do it where you won’t be disturbed.
Do it on the toilet 😉
Schedule this exercise often, every week or every month. It works for all emotional trauma. Take advantage of particular moments, shortly after a conversation where high school was mentioned (for example) or when you’ve just spoken to somebody from your teenage years. Maybe you just re-connected with an old school friend on Facebook.
Doing this exercise isn’t like putting peroxide on your hair, you won’t notice a difference straight away. However, down the track you’ll notice yourself reacting and responding to people and situations in new ways and you WILL surprise yourself.
Healing pain from the past, allows you to love more and to love better and it will help you with all sorts or personal and professional relationships.