From Benita’s “Being Happier” Podcast
Series: How To Attract A Better Relationship – Part 10
[soundcloud url=”http://soundcloud.com/spiritual-health/how-to-attract-a-better-9″ comments=”yes” auto_play=”no” color=”#cb0066″ width=”100%” height=”81px” class=”” id=””]
“Definition Of A Happy Relationship!”
To be blunt… Most women in unhappy relationships are entangled with selfish men who don’t cater for their needs.
These women feel like their needs are not important, not prioritized, not understood and they therefore begin to feel as though their needs are unrealistic.
NOTE: If you’re a man reading this article or listening to the linked audio, you’re already showing you’re more willing to work on your relationship and therefore should reverse the gender of this article.
During intuitive counselling and healing sessions with me, I often hear how women feel they’re asking too much of their man and wonder if they need to be more understanding or even more flexible with him.
I also hear how women feel wrong about asking their partner questions or asking him to do things for them, because of the poor response they receive. This makes them feel like they should be happy with whatever they get, keep quiet and get on with their life with him.
I remind the woman in session with me, that she is allowed to want emotional responsibility from her partner.
Let me repeat that…
“YOU Are Allowed To Want Emotional Responsibility From YOUR Partner!”
So after years of counselling, mostly women in problematic relationships, I have formulated a definition of a HAPPY relationship based on the very fundamental and simple needs of every woman. Women can measure their relationship according to this definition, which will help them feel validated and happy with their expectations, integrity and standards.
Every Woman’s Definition Of A Happy Relationship.
There are two main criteria with a common theme:
- Firstly, a happy relationship is one where she asks him a question and he answers to her satisfaction.
- He w-a-n-t-s to answer her questions and he wants her to feel understood.
- Secondly, a happy relationship is one where she asks him to do something and he does it.
- He w-a-n-t-s to do things for her and he wants to make her happy
It’s not atom splitting stuff, it’s simple.
To be specific, ‘her’ wanting ‘him’ to answer her questions and her wanting him to do what she asks, is NOT (or should not) coming from a place of control or manipulation.
There are some absolutely wonderful men out there, but some men might think that the above definition is unfair because I didn’t talk about what the man needs.
Most women in unhappy relationships, are with men who have their needs catered for, either by himself or via her accommodating nature and often at the =cost= of her needs or at the cost of the family’s needs.
Men who want to make their woman happy, share many of the needs she does, because her needs are his needs. Some women and especially some men, might find this notion to be ridiculous and impossible.
This concept of the man’s happiness is the woman’s happiness, isn’t new and has been supported by many good men as well, in some unexpected and unusual of place.
I was flicking the channels past a sports show on the television and saw a random man on the street being interviewed. He was asked the question, “what is the secret to a happy relationship?” The reply from the man standing with his wife and children was “A Happy Wife… a Happy Life!”. What great relationship advice, but I didn’t expect to hear it on a sports show, predominantly watched by men!
The man’s happiness is the woman’s happiness has also been written about in abundance and prosperity books, as early as the 1930’s.
Napolean Hill (the grandfather of personal success literature) wrote that men don’t want to earn money or lots of it, so they can sit there in their grand house all alone. He says men want to earn money to impress women and make them happy, because without women in their life, men don’t feel they have a purpose.
I note these examples given by men, to help women feel validated BY men, even if they don’t feel validated by the man they are with. Also, I note these examples because “good men” make these statements, and it’s the good men that most women want.
A woman does not want her life to be about frustration and anxiety from constantly asking him to do this or that because he forgets or silently refuses to do it.
A client once told me, that she asked her partner for two years, to change the light bulb in their home. She grew so sick to death of stumbling around in dim light, that she eventually did it herself. She said everything in her relationship was like that and she’d been with him for 25 years.
A woman does not want to be aging, asking her partner the same questions without adequate replies. She does not want to manage all the communication, suffer his tantrums, his silence, or his absences because she’s asked him questions he didn’t want to talk about.
Another of my clients said that she asked her partner for seven years to give up smoking cigarettes and marijuana, because it was negatively affecting his life, the children and their relationship. She said she brought it up on a weekly, monthly or quarterly basis. It all depended on how bad he reacted the last time, as to when she brought it up next. The conversation always ended in an argument.
Now you might not be in an unhappy relationship or to the extent mentioned in the above examples, but I want to illustrate that ‘he’ was not making ‘her’ happy. He didn’t care about her feelings. She was depressed because her basic needs were not met.
Generally speaking, a woman is concerned with her family or her relationship functioning well, with her being part of that functioning. She does not necessarily put herself forward as being the whole point of something needing to change. What she wants to change, will often benefit everybody.
Therefore, it can be said, that a woman’s needs are reasonable and important. However, this view, regardless of it being reasonable and important, is often ignored by the men they’re in unhappy relationships with.
If, in the above circumstances, he did answer her questions and he did do what she asked, she would be happier and subsequently, he would also be happier and there would be a higher chance of them staying together.
To summarize, a happy relationship happens when:
- She asks him a question and he answers to her satisfaction AND she asks him to do something and he does it, because…
- He =WANTS= to make her *HAPPY* and he =WANTS= her to feel **UNDERSTOOD**.