The “Being Happier” Podcast
Today’s Topic: How To Attract A Better Relationship – Part 4
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Polyamorous Relationships Create Hurt And Instability.
Polyamorous relationships are when it is an open and known arrangement, to have more than one partner with whom you’re sexually intimate, while having a relationship with one sometimes ‘main’ partner.
This message isn’t about cheating and having secret relations with other people outside of your monogamous relationship.
This polyamorous message will apply to you more directly:
If you are about to be or are already involved with somebody who is living a polyamorous model for a relationship;
If you are doing so yourself;
If you have been in a polyamorous relationship for a while;
Or if you’re learning about relationships and wondering whether it is more normal to be in a sexual relationship with one person or if it can happen with more than one person.
What does polyamorous relationships have to do with how to attract a better relationship? Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you will attract a better one if you’re happy with the boundaries of the relationship, before you get into it or even while you’re in one.
Polyamorous relationships are about sexual boundaries, but it is easier to forget that they’re about emotional boundaries and broken hearts and moments of going out of your mind.
There is way too much anxiety and hurt and rejection that goes on with polyamorous relationships and it is often underestimated or brushed off or expected to go with the turf.
For another person to be expected to accept, that the person they care for, are physically and emotionally vulnerable and close with, is about to or already has left them to be with somebody else (and perhaps with another somebody else after that), is unrealistic and in many ways, cruel.
I don’t advise, suggest or encourage polyamorous relationships because of the enormity of the hurt, anxiety and rejection that goes with the arrangement. You can try to be tough within a these relationships, you can try to tell yourself you can get over it or like it shouldn’t affect you because if it does, you’re being weak.
You don’t recover quickly if at all, from being rejected by your romantic partner, after they have slept with other people. You need to be honest with yourself. You can’t get over it instantly or in general, especially if it’s repetitive.
Who wants to feel the suspicion of not knowing, always wondering, never relaxing, constantly calculating what could have happened when and with whom and where, having a huge preoccupation with who else your partner could be with and what on earth is going on there…?
There are already enough problems between two people having a relationship, let alone with four or eight or whatever amount of people weaved into the polyamorous web of relations.
Two people in a relationship with each other, already have issues from their past relationships and their childhood conditioning, health, family, work or creative issues that they bring to their monogamous relationship. How amazingly complicated does the equation become with four or six or eight people having the aforementioned issues in their life, and bringing those forward and together within a polyamorous arrangement. Could the emotional plate put a dogs breakfast to shame?
If you’re already in or about to be in a polyamorous relationship, there is a massive amount of energy spent, endlessly emotionally juggling several people, that is not going into other more important things like life direction and stability.
Those aspects of your life to do with work, creativity and health, can suffer badly, because they get left for when you get around to it, because “not now, I’m about to leave Sarah to be with Jenny” or “I can’t finish that on time, I’m suffering in a pit of despair”. You may even wake up one day when you’re 68 years of age and wonder what you’ve done with your life.
This message isn’t about judgment or freedom. We all have free will. This message is about taking into consideration, what it means to be emotionally responsible to others, but foremost, to yourself. Would you prefer to know the sexual and emotional boundaries of your relationship? Would you prefer to feel at peace with your one partner because you know where s/he is and what s/he’s doing? Would you prefer to feel stable in your monogamous relationship because you really want to channel any excess precious energy into your career or creative pursuits?