From “The Healing Show” Series #01: How To Attract A Better Relationship
EPISODE #19: Ex Heart Space vs New Heart Space
When a woman gets into a new relationship, she is comparing her new man with the ex man. I don’t just mean a comparison with behaviour like she’s waiting to be hurt or disappointed because she’s been primed or conditioned by her ex. I mean that she’s looking to her new man to give her a similar kind of loving emotional experience that she had with her ex. She’s looking for the depth and breadth of intensity and intimacy to be similar, like she’s quietly asking herself will my new man make me feel good like my ex man did.
There’s a problem with this kind of natural and automatic thinking, which is that she is forgetting that her and her new man are a new combination and a new dynamic which is different to the dynamic she had with her ex. Her and her new man have a new relationship and a new love and the dynamic is new and can never be found anywhere else. Just like the dynamic she had with her ex can never be found anywhere else. But it’s to recognise that there is indeed a difference.
She can’t really compare what she liked with her ex and look for that with her current man, because she’s looking for something that doesn’t exist. Her and her ex made apple and orange juice. Her and her current man are making apple and strawberry juice. She can’t compare the juices because there isn’t a comparison.
The message here is to let your relationship with your current man and you be new and different and to recognise that the love and the dynamic is new. Let you and your ex be that over there, and you and your current man be here. Let the loving emotional experiences with your new man be new, rather than be compared. Let yourself recognise there is no comparison. Be present and stay present in the newness of your new loving experience.