From “The Healing Show” Series #01: How To Attract a Better Relationship
EPISODE #21: Five Ways To Cope During A Break Up
This message contains 5 strategies for how to cope if you’re going through a break up. You don’t actually have to be breaking up, to benefit from this article and recording attached, you might just be going through a super difficult time in your relationship. Or… perhaps your love life is fine, you might have a friend or family member who might benefit from these suggestions.
When I do meditation, my life feels easier and I am more calm about everything. When I don’t do it, I begin to feel life is harder and I feel anxious, and more so with every passing day that I don’t do it.
Meditation will help you get out of your head, get you back to your centre and back in touch with your feelings. Too often during a break up, you can think hundreds and thousands of really negative thoughts that will make you feel worse about everything. You may have thousands of horrible scenarios in your head about how the break up will go, getting back together or not or being alone. We need to move you away from your mind going nuts, and get you back in touch with your heart and feeling peaceful.
The meditation that I suggest, is because I’ve used the following technique for several years myself and during classes I teach. it has 4 components:
Focusing on your heart (toward the end of your sternum);
Hearing the words “I Am” in your mind, silently, over and over;
Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth…
While holding a gem stone or crystal at your heart.
If you can start with just 2 minutes a day.
You can, when you’re ready, move your way up to 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes… etc… per day, but whenever that might happen. Some meditation is better than none, and 10 minutes is better than 2 minutes, but whatever you can manage.
You need to do whatever amount of exercise you can, as often as you can, something like 5 minutes per day.
You might just walk round the block where you live and you’ve done your 5 minutes. If you can manage 30- 60 minutes per day, that’s even better, but don’t push yourself. Or maybe you need to push yourself? Just exercise, just do something.
You need to choose the exercise type that you like. Don’t do swimming when you dislike it and prefer to cycle instead. If you don’t like the type of exercise you’re doing, you’re not going to do it. Walking tends to be achievable for most people.
I understand that you wouldn’t want to move your body at all when you’re feeling stuck and depressed emotionally, although exercise will improve your state of mind, get good chemicals moving through your body and like meditation, it will get you out of your negative head.
Whenever I have exercised, I never regret it and I feel much more positive about everything when I come home.
3 Write out your feelings in a letter/s
When you’re going through a break up (or an extremely challenging time in your relationship), getting your feelings out on paper (or on the computer or your mobile phone or cell phone) can be a very healing process. You can physically see that your feelings count, because they actually happened, you’re not making them up like your partner might say.
Writing your feelings in a letter, in a list type format can help to validate how much pain you’ve experienced in different ways, which you partner may not have respected enough.You don’t actually have to give or send your partner these letters. Just get your feelings out.
I’ve written letters and in some cases I have given them to my partner and at other times, with other partners, I haven’t. The whole writing process helped me in general and I recommend it as a way of helping you “be” with your feelings.
You might not being able “to be” with your feelings in any other way, as when you’re writing them down. So if you normally go through your day ignoring your feelings and trying to forget how stressed you are, spending a few moments writing your feelings out can help you “be” with your feelings. This will help to heal you.
4 Hold healing points
I call them “Forehead Healing Points” and they are on your forehead and you can hold them with two fingertips from each hand.
To locate them: they are in line with your eyes, between your eyebrows and your hairline.
It’s like you’re drawing an imaginary line, from your eyes upward, in line with each eye, up into the space in the middle of your eyebrows and your hairline.
Hold these forehead healing points and breathe, in through your nose and out through your mouth. If possible, if you can concentrate further, think of all the stressful things that have happened so far in your break up, and keep bringing them to the surface and keep thinking about them.
This process right here, is like bringing fat to the surface of a drink and the healing points act to scoop the stress away so that you feel released of the stress.The forehead healing points will work and they will help you feel better.
If you can start with 2 minutes a day, it will really help to shift things for you. The more minutes per day you can do, the better.
5 Seek professional assistance
When you’re going through a break up (or reeeeeally challenging time in your relationship), you need time and space, uninterrupted, to get your feelings out and have them heard properly.
Often when we turn to our friends or family to help us, they do, but soon they talk about their own problems. In your break up state, you don’t have the energy to listen to other people’s dramas and problems. You just need them to keep quiet and listen to what you’re going through.
It’s an unspoken rule that most friends or family will want a barter system, where you listen to them in exchange to them listening to you. But your vulnerable state dictates that you need it to go one way. A professional healer, counselor, intuitive counselor, reader or even a masseur will be able to focus on you. That’s their job. They will able to support you and advise you more often, more thoroughly with less judgement than a friend or family member.
If you’re doing one or more of these things already, then you might need to do more of them or more often. Eg. If you already do meditation, you will be amazed of the peace and clarity you can access as you do it more frequently or for longer periods. If you already see a professional, you might need to see them more regularly or work out a plan with them for added support.
My heart goes out to you if you’re going through a break up… I’ve been through it myself a few times and they were traumatic periods for me. I know what it’s like to barely function, I know what it’s like to hold it all in. Hopefully, you will be able to cope a lot better as you meditate, exercise, write, heal and seek professional assistance as often as you can.
I believe you will get through this really difficult time and you will progress. You are on your way… And you will be happy and peaceful again 🙂