Benita French is an author and expert in relationships. Her advice mainly applies to women in heterosexual relationships but it can sometimes apply to those in non-heterosexual relationships.
As a result of extensive research, observation and realization regarding relationships, Benita can guarantee that you WILL achieve the relationship circumstance you prefer if you have the courage and discipline to do so.
Few are up to the challenge. Most prefer to complain about how sad and dissatisfied they are, feeling convinced that they can never have who they want. But Benita has faith that life can turn around for these women and for you!
You are currently not in a relationship
-Feel at peace about this, instead of you feeling that you are running out of time or as though there is something wrong with you because you are not in a relationship.
-The more you think that you will grow old and grey and still be single, the more likely this will be the result. This way of thinking probably does not belong to you, it is likely to be the opinions of other older adults around you. Keep away from them- this will enable you to feel much more optimistic about your future.
-Not ‘looking’ for a relationship is the best thing you can do for your personal growth and you are more likely to find who you are looking for when you are not looking for him.
-The more you grow within yourself, the better the relationship next time.
-If you obtained a boyfriend before, you can again, no matter how many months or years there have been in between.
-There are always possibilities, no matter your age or experience. Do not give up.
You like somebody but only from a distance
-Feel confident and relaxed about approaching or communicating with that person, instead of you feeling silly that you’re thinking about them.
-You are not alone in thinking that your feelings are silly. Perhaps the other person feels this about you. Certainly, other women feel similar to you.
-There is nothing to lose. You may as well know now where you are at with yourself and what the other person is like, rather than growing a year or two older and wishing you had acted earlier, while you were younger.
💚Attract a relationship💚
-Increase your awareness to ways you are blocking your potential man including: low self esteem; a belief that it can’t happen for you; grief; overworking; unhealthy connections with others and holding onto the past.
-You don’t have to go to bars or date online if that’s not your thing. Relationship opportunities are everywhere.
-You don’t have to work as hard as you have done, to attract a better relationship into your life.
-The more time you spend with yourself, uninterrupted, saying no to involvement in family dramas and their demands, the quicker you will attract the right relationship.
Cope with current relationship challenges
-Often better behaviour occurs earlier in the relationship and with time, you come accept things that are hurtful, unfair or not up to your standards.
-It might feel harder to love your partner now than it did in the beginning.
-Build confidence and strength to voice things you have wanted to say for months or years.
-You are allowed to want what you want from your partner- at the least, you are allowed to voice it.
-You are not complaining, you are not nagging and you are not overdramatising how you feel.
You are cheating or your partner is
Affairs can bring enthusiasm and excitement back into your life, and…
There are a myriad of complications that are introduced into your life when you have an affair as well:
-If he is having one with you (while being married or in another relationship) and you are single
-If you are having an affair (while being married or in another relationship)
-If you are both having affairs with other people while with each other.
These complications often cause anxiety. But they can be managed. The deception tends not to end well, but occasionally it ends wonderfully.
-If you are having (or have had) an affair, you are not a bad person for cheating. You were probably already feeling sad and neglected for some time and couldn’t go on ignoring it.
-To seek relief and comfort by cheating, while not the best option, is often the natural result. Yes, people get hurt. Maybe you did last time. Maybe you didn’t this time.
-There are many questions you end up asking yourself when you have an affair: what to do and when, how to proceed, how to deal with the anger and pain and whether to stay or go. Arriving at answers to these quandaries can take some time, although: better to have loved and lost; better to have tried to be happier; better to know where your relationship is at; better to gain clarity on what you want from relationships in general, than adhere to the mediocre standards of others.
You are trying to leave an unhealthy relationship
-You have been trying to leave an unhealthy relationship for some time but have not had success.
-You are scared that you won’t be able to support yourself or you fear you won’t find anybody better.
Do your best to remember that the whole world is open to you. You were capable before you met your partner and that capability is still within you.
-Perhaps you don’t want to leave (you have attempted it before) because you fear how he will react.
-Maybe you feel hopeless, as though you are out of practise when it comes to talking to potential partners and feel safer remaining with your current partner, no matter how unsatisfactory.
Aim to develop a greater belief in yourself and trust that the change you want is necessary and will be good for you.
You have separated or he has disappeared
-It is possible that: you were meaningful to him; the man you wanted might return; he hasn’t forgotten about you; there may be a chance for you both again.
-You may be going through a break, not necessarily an end of a relationship.
-Unlike friends or family telling you to move on, try to remember that your feelings for the man in question are not a waste of time.
-Even if it happened many years ago- your feelings and healing them are not a waste of time. Moving on is only possible when the matter is honestly resolved within you.
You are recovering from a relationship break up or loss
-You know your relationship has ended and you have been living this reality for a little while.
-You have left a short term or long term relationship, or maybe he left you. Perhaps your partner died and you are trying to face your grief or acknowledge that the relationship was dead long before he was.
Most women believe that they SHOULD be okay within a few months or within a few years. They tell themselves they’re fiine when they’re really not coping and have never properly recovered.
-Feel accepting of the idea that healing takes time.
-You mustn’t hurry yourself to get over him.
The more you heal, the more likely you are to find happiness again, if you want it.
Whatever stage you are at (those listed above):
Do your best to be honest with yourself. The more you pretend that you’re okay, when deep down you really aren’t, the more likely an unfavourable circumstance will continue. Even minute changes to your perspective can make a positive difference and enable opportunities to come your way.
Most women have relationship problems and
most women accidentally make basic mistakes that prevent them from:
-Attracting a better relationship
-Viewing their ‘single’ relationship status as being healthy or positive
-Progressing their current relationship
-Ending an unhealthy relationship
-Recovering from a relationship break up or loss
Briefly and generally speaking…
All relationship problems are the result of:
-Not healing from a past relationship
-Unhealthy connections with your family
-Unhealed experiences with your family
Benita wholeheartedly encourages you and fully supports you to make the necessary changes in your life that WILL bring you the happiness you yearn for so deeply.